| (no subject) |
[Oct. 29th, 2009|10:09 pm] |
My brain is a weird brain.
I got laid off on Friday. My company (that is Locating Inc) lost their contract to locate utilities for Qwest. What this means is that our profits will probably drop by as much as 40-50% once the changeover happens. Net result is a lot less work and a lot less money coming in. Doesn't take a math whiz to figure that some people are going to have to go, and since I'm low man on the totem pole...
Here's where we get to the weird part. The big boss came out to the field to meet me and tell me what was going on. He was very apologetic about the whole thing. He read a prepared statement from human resources, then told me the how and when of me no longer being a part of their company. While he's telling me all this I suddenly remember this line from Batman.
"I'm only laughing on the outside, my smile is just skin deep
If you could see inside how I'm crying
You might join me for a weep."
So here I am, losing my job with my boss as somber as I've seen him and I'm trying VERY hard not to break down laughing. I think he took it as me taking the whole thing kind of hard, so he started overdoing it a bit, reassuring me that I had done a good job for them and that they appreciated all I'd done, etc, etc.
I wonder why my brain picks crap like that out of the ether and at such strange times?
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 12th, 2009|12:32 am] |
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My boredom is overwhelming my life. I don't really watch tv or movies anymore. The television is on, but most of the time I'm really not paying attention. I have video games that I just can't get up the enthusiasm to finish. Most days I'm just parked in front of the computer hanging out in the #rpgnet irc channel and reading the one or two forums that I frequent. It's kind of hard to get revved up for anything. I sort of wonder if it's a side effect of loneliness. I mean let's be honest-other than going to the comic shop on new comic day and Sunday game night I don't really interact with anyone. I work alone all day long. At nights, also alone. For those not in the know I haven't been romantically involved since I was 23, and at times I wonder how "real" any of that was anyway. I sort of doubt that I'll ever be involved with anyone again. I don't really have much to offer someone else. I'm a near-penniless cancer survivor, a physical wreck with a short temper and a difficulty relating to others. Sometimes I feel like there's a wall that I can't push past to open up to people. I'd just like to feel excited again. I'd really rather than this precious life of mine, which is the only one I'll ever get and is certainly all too short not be so disappointing all the time. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 21st, 2009|12:01 am] |
Went and saw Ponyo, which was amazingly beautiful. I would have paid to see it with the sound off.
Towards the end of the movie the theater staff accidentally started seating for the Inglorious Bastards midnight showing. So we had about ten minutes of people milling around talking and saying "what the fuck is this shit?" After a few minutes they realized the mistake and ushered everyone back out. While this was going on I actually thought "these damn kids". Apparently I turned into an angry old man and nobody had the courtesy to tell me. Well fine! Get off of my lawn!
Also, this: http://sharkrobot.com/store/images/twogirls4.gif
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| The Best Ever |
[Aug. 6th, 2009|07:42 pm] |
I was reading this Roger Ebert article about Best Of lists and how he feels about such things. As I was reading it I realized that with a lot of lists we fall into the sports fan mentality. When you love something you start to identify with it. Then along comes a competition (the list) and when "our team" doesn't do well we get mad. It feels like your opinion was rejected.
Some meaningless lists!
Top Five Movies I Can See Without Getting Out of my Chair
5. Princess Mononoke
4. Trainspotting
3. Death Proof
2. The Seven Samurai
1. 2001
Top Five Books I Can Recall Reading at Some Point
5. The Time Machine
4. Childhood's End
3. Moby Dick
2. The Hobbit
1. God Emperor of Dune
Top Five Albums Stacked On My Computer
5. Benefit-Jethro Tull
4. Bitte Orca-The Dirty Projectors
3. Trans Europe Express-Kraftwerk
2. Piper at the Gates of Dawn-Pink Floyd
1. Tonight's the Night-Neil Young
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| Another game idea |
[Aug. 3rd, 2009|08:54 pm] |
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The ceaseless rain has turned everything a miserable grey. Grey in the clouds and grey in the sheets of rain that have fallen without pause for almost a week. Grey has crept into the faces of the guards at the palisade; chilled to the bone, hungry and sleep-deprived. Grey is in the mold on the few scraps of food left. There is also grey in the cloaks of the riders, emerging from the gloom that surrounds the fort. The riders are the advance scouts sent to clear the path to Mie-ken which the shabby fort now blocks. The riders slow as they approach the fort, then carefully dismount and begin to slog forward through knee-deep muck towards the wooden wall. The rain has found it's way through to hardwood and sinew-bows are no use now. Cold steel will be called upon to settle the affair which is about to commence. The guards bark orders, scramble for yari and naginata and bunch up around the gate. At the rear wall of the fort is a thatched-roof hut and inside it the personal messenger of Lord Saga surrounded by a handful of allies. Inside the hut, in the dim lantern light they unfold a map on a table wet from the leaking roof. The map leads to a secret mountain path that bypasses the fort at Mie-jo, leaving lord Saga's lands unprotected. The map clearly must not fall into the hands of these outlaws, nor can it be destroyed before Lord Saga learns of the the fatal weakness in the defenses. You must get out. |
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| Thoughts about my job |
[Jul. 1st, 2009|09:09 pm] |
I hate my job.
There, I said it. It's something I think I've been thinking for a few weeks now but it's like it hadn't quite sunk in. Imagine you have a game to play...a scavenger hunt! Now to help you on your scavenger hunt we'll give you some tools. One is a sending and receiving unit. There are numerous factors that can make this gear wildly inaccurate and most of these factors are things you won't be able to detect by observation. You'll also have a set of maps. These maps can be a) Hard to read, b) Out of date, c) Drawn in a misleading manner d) So poorly labelled you'll never find the area you're looking for or e) All of the above. There's also the very real possibility that the instructions for your scavenger hunt are completely wrong, and the area you think you're supposed to look in is actually completely different than the one you were supposed to be looking in.
Now remember, you've got a strict time limit for your hunt, even though you've been told a number of times that you don't. You should also expect to be lectured like a slow-witted child if the quality assurance guy has to come out and help you solve a problem.
What's worse is that there really isn't anybody I can talk to about it. Everyone in the weekly meeting seems to be either a workaholic (72 hour weeks? Really?) or such a depressed burn-out that I doubt they can even comprehend how miserable they are. I base this on the fact that from brief conversations I learned that one of my coworkers may in fact just be putting marks on the ground where he thinks there might be underground utilities (not caring one wit about accuracy), while another apparently considers sitting in his garage watching a 14" tv and smoking to be his hobby.
Good times. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 8th, 2009|08:39 pm] |
Day One in the field as a utility locater was to be honest pretty rough. After three weeks of pretty intensive training it's surprising how many things you can learn only by going out and doing. It doesn't hurt that I'm nervous about doing a good job and it seems like the harder I try to keep up the more mistakes I seem to be making.
Secondly, Drivecam can kiss my ass. Each one of our company cars is equipped with a little camera that records the driver and what's going on in front of the car in the event that something bad happens. In this case, Something Bad is defined as 'Car experiences a .6G load'. For those of you playing at home, push your brake just a touch past halfway when you're stopping. Congradulations! You've just had a video uploaded to the head office for review and possible disciplinary action! Jeez, like I don't have enough to worry about.
Let's see, anything else? The apartment I'll be moving into in a month or so is nearing completion as far as I know. It's pretty close to where I live now and it is probably big enough for what I need. Also, my buddy Skot has offered me a place to stay if this doesn't work out. So at least housing is probably going to be okay.
Hmm, Friday I'm going to be 35. When the hell did that happen? |
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| Gainful Employment! |
[May. 19th, 2009|04:35 pm] |
Finally and after many delays I am gainfully employed once more! I now work for Locating Incorporated, a company which locates and marks underground untilities. It'll be three weeks of training before I'm trusted with actual work, and from what it looks like there is going to be a lot to learn. After more than a decade in the hardware business it's going to be a lot of adapting but I think I'll get it under control. It was pretty reassuring when one of the first things we talked about was "What to do when you inevitably make a mistake".
It felt good, not feeling like the jobless loser today. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 21st, 2009|11:48 pm] |
One month into unemployment land
Sitting around without a job is driving me crazy
Most people are offering work so bad it makes better financial sense to just stay home
Interview on Thursday-the people were very vague about what their company does. I suspect either telemarketing or multi-level marketing scheme. Going to go anyway because I don't have anything better to do on Thursday
Getting very good at Super Mario 3
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| A little late but.. |
[Mar. 29th, 2009|01:43 am] |
| [ | music |
| | Ten Years Gone-Led Zeppelin | ] |
So in case anyone hasn't heard, I lost my job on Tuesday. They eliminated a position in my department and have nothing else to offer me. Now mind, I was suspicious about something like this coming for a while, and it's business. It's not personal, there's no malice in throwing one more out of the lifeboat.
On the other hand, it's my fucking job they took away and I know half the people they kept aren't worth wiping your ass with.
I do not know what I am going to do. People keep insisting that it's not the end of the world but it sure felt like the end of the world to me. I'm 34, broke down, body still reeling from the aftereffects of chemo. The only thing I'm good at is being a hardware guy and apparently they don't want me to be that anymore. |
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| First Ten Awesome Songs I Could Think Of |
[Mar. 18th, 2009|12:42 am] |
Radio Radio-Elvis Costello
Stand!-Sly and the Family Stone
Aqualung-Jethro Tull
Star Fruits Surf Rider-Cornelius
Come Together-The Beatles
Territorial Pissing-Nirvana
Try a Little Tenderness-Otis Redding (live version!)
Hands on the Wheel-Willie Nelson
Roundabout-Yes
Rock and Roll Suicide-David Bowie |
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| Unseen Worlds |
[Feb. 10th, 2009|10:45 pm] |
I went and saw Coraline (in 3D of course) on Friday. Saw it again on Sunday with my friend Pat. It's weird how something that's essentially a very simple fairy tale can have such an effect. I think it was the best time I've had at the movies since I saw Death Proof. It's been a while since I've seen something and felt like "I need to run a game. I need to create a world, gather characters and put them through the wringer." Everyone who has been properly fired up to run a game knows the feeling I'm talking about, and if you don't then I hope someday you do.
I'm thinking about setting the game in the New World of Darkness, because I like the system and the setting is flexible enough to do what I want with it. I really like Changeling, but I'm wondering if Mortals wouldn't be better characters to explore the mysteries of Pike Creek. The Golden Bough Apartments await! |
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| Short Circuit |
[Jan. 3rd, 2009|10:53 pm] |
At the end of next month I'll be one year out from the end of chemotherapy. Chemo is hard on your body, as hard as any disease you might happen to get. I still get tired easily and my mind is not as sharp as I remember it being.
Editor's Note: If you're forgetful but you remember having a decent memory how do you know you're remembering having a good memory correctly?
Anyway, your mind plays tricks on you. One phenomena I still experience is something I call the Short Out. I look at someone I know, not talking actors or people like that but people I actually deal with on a regular basis and I short out. I absolutely cannot remember their name. It's very weird and a little scary when it happens because it's usually right out of the blue.So far I've never had it last more than a few minutes. If someone were to mention that person by name I'd immediately make the connection between face and name. It's a very strange phenomena.
I haven't really talked about this with anybody. It's only happened probably 4-5 times since I first started chemo way back when. I'm not even sure if it's anything I should be concerned about. I'm really just posting this as a time marker. I don't expect this to happen more often, but if it does I'll have a record of when I first started to notice it.
In other news the Sci-Fi Channel marathon served to remind me that Twilight Zone is still one of the best tv shows ever made. Seriously, I look at what qualifies as the "great" shows from today and they can't even hold a candle to the production, script quality and acting of a low budget show from the 60s. There's always hope though I guess. |
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| Christmas Losers and the Coming New Year |
[Dec. 24th, 2008|12:10 am] |
Due to a perfect storm of events (paycheck coming late in the month, bad weather, Visa server crashing the one day I got out) I have done ZERO Christmas shopping. Now mind you, Xmas is hardly a holiday my life revolves around but I do like to at least try to do something. I may have to get creative, seeing as how I have one day left, and I have to work on that particular day.
I started thinking about New Years resolutions already. My resolution this year will be to read six books.
One will be fiction
One will be non-fiction
One will be a "classic" (y'know, like Moby Dick or Old Man and the Sea, but not either of those two because I've read them already)
One will be Classical (like the Odyssey or Utopia)
One will be a book I wouldn't normally think of reading (like...well I don't have an example because I wouldn't think of it!)
One will be...hmm, I don't know. Livejournal's Choice? I have a week or so to think about it I guess. |
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| Math Nightmare for Dummies |
[Dec. 1st, 2008|10:08 pm] |
I had what can only be described as a math nightmare at some time around 2AM Sunday morning. The previous night I was reading a book (Pre-Calculus for Dummies) and I think the sudden onslaught of information may have overtaxed my out of shape brain. I was overwrought by terrifying abstractions and what might have been a cannibalistic humanoid underground cartesian coordinate grid.
For a while now I've felt like I ought to be applying myself more, that I could be more knowledgeable about the world around me if I would just get off my ass and try. So Saturday I finally decided to try. I know I chose something of a tough path for myself-I only got as far as Trig in high school and learning from a book is a hell of a lot different than learning from a person. On the other hand, failure only has one consequence-being just as smart as when I started. I also bought the Dummies book on Physics, which has so far been really easy to understand (editor's note: I'm on Chapter One).
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| Slingshot |
[Nov. 24th, 2008|05:51 pm] |
So there's this idea I've been tossing around, a setting for a game (most likely Mekton Zeta)
It's the year 2200. The colonization of the solar system is complete. The easy to develop places, the ready resources and even some of the hard to reach ones have been exploited. Space is essentially run by three major powers-NASA (North American Space Administration), The SRS (Space Recovery Service-not unlike the Coast Guard, if the Coast Guard had spacecraft and answered to the European Union) and Wentley-Boeing (An association of major aerospace companies, dominates the heavy lift and space construction markets) . While there have been conflicts in the past things have mostly cooled off, with the occasional dust-up between NASA and the Chinese Space Administration over development rights on Jupiter's moon Io.
Spacecraft tend to be symmetrical along their central axis, with rotating habitation "arms" to provide a comfortable level of artificial gravity. Notable is the development of the Frame. In their simplest term Frames are humanoid robots controlled by a pilot, designed to give the advantage of the human body with the strength and stamina of a machine. They vary in size from Work Frames barely larger than it's human wearer to the tremendous Orbital Frames used by the SRS to patrol borders and intervene in disputes. Faster than light travel is technically still impossible. Most of the larger ships employ some version of the Wentley-Boeing Traction Drive. By employing the principle of Partial Zero-Point Collapse the ship essentially falls into a track of ever-collapsing space in front of it. The limits of this technology seem to be somewhere in the neighborhood of 1-2 AU per day. The other option is the Slingshot. Currently there is only one Slingshot in existence. A tunnel of rings approximately 500 meters inside diameter by 2500 meters long, it has been placed in an orbit roughly identical to Saturn's, to keep it as far from the solar wind as possible. By using antimatter it can generate a Second Stage Zero-Point Collapse, essentially flinging anything inside the Slingshot light years away, with a travel speed of 1 light year per 46 days. Employing the Slingshot allowed humanity to reach for the stars for the first time, building colonies at Gliese 876, mu Arae, and 87 Tycho.
Ten years ago a fuelling accident completely consumed the previous Slingshot. A manic reconstruction project immediately went into effect, rebuilding the machine in a much shorter timeframe than the original was built. While all the colonies were still counting on aid from the home system, 87 Tycho was especially at risk, as not only were the new colonies still being established, but a conflict between the NASA and the Wentley-Boeing factions was beginning to boil over. This is where you come in. The brave pilots, scientists and officers of the SRS are tasked with travelling to 87 Tycho, refuelling their Slingshot (which was scheduled to be powered up for the first time on arrival when the accident occured), and rendering aid where necessary. On the honor of the Service you must not fail in your duty. |
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